He found it outside, beneath a poplar tree, out of plain sight, but when you really look its right between the eyes. Picking it up, it was heavier than he expected and cold to the touch. Colder than it should be on this balmy August evening. The sun cast pieces of light across his face and hands as he held and looked but didn't really see. His eyes were else where remember when he first put his eyes on what was now in his hands...
She was there then, sitting between his knees on the step below his. He could see her hair shake with her laughter as Billy cracked every one's lips to smiling. Through her strands of golden he saw specks of sunlight dances within in and about. He could feel the timidity of her pale green sweater with his eyes. She half turned and asked him if he could believe this guy. But he really couldn't pay any attention to anything outside of the warm that sat in front of him. He wanted to tell her something, anything that would make her stay, anything that would make him serious, if only to her, but he just didn't know. He couldn't tell the difference between child and adulthood while she was already on cruise control. But he smiled and said, "that's why I invite Billy to most formal occasions" and the smiling was now directed at him for a moment which helped to hide the stiff resistance he constantly felt in his decision to love or lust.
He stood abruptly and commented on the bodily need that forced his exit. Paula leaned over as he jumped over her and down the stairs of his parents summer cabin porch. Tonight was the first night of a very important week, the week that meant nothing, and he was going to make it count. Walking through trees to disallow easy viewing, but allowing auditory participation, he began and then stopped.