rambled forward,
blind and feeling the path through the weeds.
eyes should be open but that would be too easy.
A room full and I still feel absent.
I see you there, across and leaping further,
I see you squeak out an apology for your clumsy distrust,
that thrust me to indecision.
So I sit and wonder your wait,
I tumble through the bramble,
holding my breath till it bursts.
I stalk to walk away from you again,
my silly game of to and fro...
but you take my hand away,
lead me to quiet and peace and just you and me,
as a loud street passes our passing,
hand on face and thought,
you look with those blues and say
what I've never heard,
not really,
ever before.
aside my stride
and I can't look away.
All I can do is confirm.
But you already knew.
Don't make me say it...
24.9.10
22.9.10
should I carry it with me,
this thing in my chest?
It bears me down
makes me bleak,
it lifts me up,
and i savor being weightless
It's empty sometimes,
though I know it's there.
To light to touch for it to flake and fly
It's soft and too tender,
its hard and about to crack,
It's timid when I want it strong,
too tough when I need to burst into weakness,
a bubble too stubborn to choose.
But I think I'll keep it around.
All in all, its an amazing thing,
that works without tire,
that leaves no trace of regret for its blunder,
that gives without need,
that needs without asking,
that is open and widens still,
that grows more with giving,
though weight drags,
heavier still is absence.
This is what I give to you
this thing in my chest?
It bears me down
makes me bleak,
it lifts me up,
and i savor being weightless
It's empty sometimes,
though I know it's there.
To light to touch for it to flake and fly
It's soft and too tender,
its hard and about to crack,
It's timid when I want it strong,
too tough when I need to burst into weakness,
a bubble too stubborn to choose.
But I think I'll keep it around.
All in all, its an amazing thing,
that works without tire,
that leaves no trace of regret for its blunder,
that gives without need,
that needs without asking,
that is open and widens still,
that grows more with giving,
though weight drags,
heavier still is absence.
This is what I give to you
they
they will pass
its simple,
its a day by day thing
pain or pleasure
sun or rain,
nothings here
nothings there
nothings nothing
but what it is
you,
you are something
that will pass,
simply and elegant through
my day by day thing
sun on my face: your hand
rain on my heart: youre gone
nothing is here with me
and i am nothing there with you
nothing to noone
noones nothing to me: but you
but that is what it is.
they will pass
its simple,
its a day by day thing
pain or pleasure
sun or rain,
nothings here
nothings there
nothings nothing
but what it is
you,
you are something
that will pass,
simply and elegant through
my day by day thing
sun on my face: your hand
rain on my heart: youre gone
nothing is here with me
and i am nothing there with you
nothing to noone
noones nothing to me: but you
but that is what it is.
electric fingers
stamp out a note
and I feel it in me,
pounding my heart,
erasing that tension of tomorrow,
bouncing up and down within the notes of your song,
and you sing and i close,
the words float through my eyes
and that is all there is;
music, me, words alive and unwritten,
strings, you, waiting to write them,
and that is all i can feel
and i am alone on a bed
and I know
stamp out a note
and I feel it in me,
pounding my heart,
erasing that tension of tomorrow,
bouncing up and down within the notes of your song,
and you sing and i close,
the words float through my eyes
and that is all there is;
music, me, words alive and unwritten,
strings, you, waiting to write them,
and that is all i can feel
and i am alone on a bed
and I know
in the middle of some kind of feeling now,
dunno what to call it or have any desire to try
i figure its better to ignore it,
hope it leaves with little residue.
did you read what i wrote?
Did you even look?
It was for you.
So here I am,
the inbetween go between,
undecided and lethargic,
waiting for go
waking up eyes wide and angry
dreams tired and over worked,
sheets stuck,
pillow pushed aside
cloths splashed all over
thoughts slacking away
written between moments of work and haste,
on napkins and spare time,
when no one is watching,
i unroll and inspire tomorrow,
pen and key,
paper and wall,
is what I was trying to say
and got cut short,
so now its tall again
thanks to you,
and so I wanted to say,
when you tell me otherwise,
you bring out of me,
what I always wanted there,
knew was there,
you are the match to my candle,
and alive
i walk towards you,
hoping for
spark.
dunno what to call it or have any desire to try
i figure its better to ignore it,
hope it leaves with little residue.
did you read what i wrote?
Did you even look?
It was for you.
So here I am,
the inbetween go between,
undecided and lethargic,
waiting for go
waking up eyes wide and angry
dreams tired and over worked,
sheets stuck,
pillow pushed aside
cloths splashed all over
thoughts slacking away
written between moments of work and haste,
on napkins and spare time,
when no one is watching,
i unroll and inspire tomorrow,
pen and key,
paper and wall,
is what I was trying to say
and got cut short,
so now its tall again
thanks to you,
and so I wanted to say,
when you tell me otherwise,
you bring out of me,
what I always wanted there,
knew was there,
you are the match to my candle,
and alive
i walk towards you,
hoping for
spark.
21.9.10
Oh it was dark then,
but I could finally see what you meant,
through closed lips and silent words,
you said and I heard,
finally,
I didn't want to, you see?
But I knew all along.
That pretty thing you can't afford,
That dream you think is too big,
That task, that hill, that day
you don't want to look in the face;
you think it can't be yours,
but you keep sellin yourself everytime,
your own personal salesman.
and youre a sucker everytime,
you dont even want the discount,
or help out,
but put me on the mailing list for future offers,
where i can spend too much and get too little.
remind me again what i shouldn't do and i will do it promptly.
because this thing I want, that don't really want me,
is eating me alive
simply cuz it's out of reach
but I could finally see what you meant,
through closed lips and silent words,
you said and I heard,
finally,
I didn't want to, you see?
But I knew all along.
That pretty thing you can't afford,
That dream you think is too big,
That task, that hill, that day
you don't want to look in the face;
you think it can't be yours,
but you keep sellin yourself everytime,
your own personal salesman.
and youre a sucker everytime,
you dont even want the discount,
or help out,
but put me on the mailing list for future offers,
where i can spend too much and get too little.
remind me again what i shouldn't do and i will do it promptly.
because this thing I want, that don't really want me,
is eating me alive
simply cuz it's out of reach
strangle jungle,
sucking me up and out,
all over and undone,
tried a of clasp,
a scrap of yesterday,
green between
under and throughout,
this dense thick that I breathe
trying to find up,
to find daylight,
but its all too heaped and assunder
with words unsaid,
and touches retracted
glances given, and then taken,
sleep is for the dark.
sucking me up and out,
all over and undone,
tried a of clasp,
a scrap of yesterday,
green between
under and throughout,
this dense thick that I breathe
trying to find up,
to find daylight,
but its all too heaped and assunder
with words unsaid,
and touches retracted
glances given, and then taken,
sleep is for the dark.
16.9.10
the only one who moves you,
just to pretend for a split,
the one who makes it too hard, too easy
too much to take so you take a breath.
the soft light in dark,
the tender under when the sharps too much,
the spot thats pure pleasure,
that smile that melts you,
a memory that swings low enough to touch, to taste,
an everyday, closer and closer to forever,
a sweet touch
with no friction depicted,
no bad taste
no drowning, sinking, sudden flip
15.9.10
whoooooaaa...
didn't see it so fast this time
passed go, no fair needed,
free flying, wheelin past dusting their faces
i hear their complaints fade into my speed,
increased and anxious
wind's racing me but it's no good,
try it,
just try me,
you wont be disappointed
i won't be outdone
faster, closer, smelling the victor,
on top and reins clenched for the long haul,
sexed up
sucking up the last of the spoils
till the next lap shows my lead
didn't see it so fast this time
passed go, no fair needed,
free flying, wheelin past dusting their faces
i hear their complaints fade into my speed,
increased and anxious
wind's racing me but it's no good,
try it,
just try me,
you wont be disappointed
i won't be outdone
faster, closer, smelling the victor,
on top and reins clenched for the long haul,
sexed up
sucking up the last of the spoils
till the next lap shows my lead
a quiet lift please, up towards your forgiveness, your forgetfulness,
i made it, myself, these hands and feet that rub and run,
fear is the gasoline and i filled it up
top speed away from consequence and continuation.
so here my hands rise, wrists exposed,
silent blood pumping to let,
to retribute to you,
and what i had and gave, threw,
without a fair glance at tomorrow,
too shy of today.
not anymore.
i made it, myself, these hands and feet that rub and run,
fear is the gasoline and i filled it up
top speed away from consequence and continuation.
so here my hands rise, wrists exposed,
silent blood pumping to let,
to retribute to you,
and what i had and gave, threw,
without a fair glance at tomorrow,
too shy of today.
not anymore.
14.9.10
all stretched out across and bare
against a wind with no window to let
saturday seemed small but long.
my skin taunt and dry,
creased and aching from lack of touch
why do you go?
recede back, quick and quiet,
stolen lack luster,
while i question your speed away,
but its silent and i wonder the night away to day
till tomorrow that you didnt come
and neither did i
its just a yesterday i wish came back,
and stick around a bit'
now its a cold dent on my day
against a wind with no window to let
saturday seemed small but long.
my skin taunt and dry,
creased and aching from lack of touch
why do you go?
recede back, quick and quiet,
stolen lack luster,
while i question your speed away,
but its silent and i wonder the night away to day
till tomorrow that you didnt come
and neither did i
its just a yesterday i wish came back,
and stick around a bit'
now its a cold dent on my day
not again, please,
thought you knew,
thought i knew,
nobody knew
deep and dark see saw away
driving curves at night,
when i really should be sleeping slowly
driving daggers,
swerving furthur
loud turns
cold wind brushing my pride,
ruffling a spirit once knowing,
now unknown and tired,
and too soft to touch
for fear it breaks
thought you knew,
thought i knew,
nobody knew
deep and dark see saw away
driving curves at night,
when i really should be sleeping slowly
driving daggers,
swerving furthur
loud turns
cold wind brushing my pride,
ruffling a spirit once knowing,
now unknown and tired,
and too soft to touch
for fear it breaks
i can't help it
i try to though, with all my might
which seems so weak in your downpour,
over my head and its tumbling into me
trembling excited small kiss the night away
next to you
everything so well,
everything so sweet to the touch
a glance is all you need and it gives me away
nothing can touch this,
simple and strong,
quick and paced to move
we sit and wait the watch
watch the wait,
impatient for the turn lock click
i try to though, with all my might
which seems so weak in your downpour,
over my head and its tumbling into me
trembling excited small kiss the night away
next to you
everything so well,
everything so sweet to the touch
a glance is all you need and it gives me away
nothing can touch this,
simple and strong,
quick and paced to move
we sit and wait the watch
watch the wait,
impatient for the turn lock click
sunken sink below level and the jury's still out...
can't make a descion with out their verdict,
you were there, no eye contact,
jealousy tainted your breath leaving me shaking and dumb
alone again and again while you test my waters,
waiting for the burn
waiting fo the blindside to steal your pride
afraid to lose it all
so you risk nothing
and i'm left at the table with the wheel spinning
all bets are off
can't make a descion with out their verdict,
you were there, no eye contact,
jealousy tainted your breath leaving me shaking and dumb
alone again and again while you test my waters,
waiting for the burn
waiting fo the blindside to steal your pride
afraid to lose it all
so you risk nothing
and i'm left at the table with the wheel spinning
all bets are off
9.9.10
wild card
not the kind that dips in and out,
not short spurts, periodic blurts;
stunted and brief.
but constant
steady,
with brief hiccups
totally reversed
content and rising
mind circling
wrapping around the truth of it
it can't be?
can it?
its too easy
too simple
too right
too good to be true:
this new thing
not short spurts, periodic blurts;
stunted and brief.
but constant
steady,
with brief hiccups
totally reversed
content and rising
mind circling
wrapping around the truth of it
it can't be?
can it?
its too easy
too simple
too right
too good to be true:
this new thing
8.9.10
9/7/9/10
thinking back, a year was it already?
a year from now will seem so big; ago, so small
far to the touch and warmer than it actually was
i wove tight, between my apprehensions and dissappointment,
figments of elegant romance.
was a kind of glue, but a quick fix for the fractures
there was intoxicated smiles and forced feelings
gestures done out of regulation, not regard,
kindnesses clung to necessity and not impulse
but those are gone, run down and tired.
now is only what i have and this is how it is...
waking up early to keep from missing it,
roll awake i shake you up too
not ready, patience for the morning to set.
wide awake and feel you sleep
share the day with love and smiling
and a giving sort of mood
a tender way to show how far i've come,
where i've been,
what i didnt surrender although they asked
what i will never give again, no matter the pressure
because these are things that i can't resign
they are mine
a year from now will seem so big; ago, so small
far to the touch and warmer than it actually was
i wove tight, between my apprehensions and dissappointment,
figments of elegant romance.
was a kind of glue, but a quick fix for the fractures
there was intoxicated smiles and forced feelings
gestures done out of regulation, not regard,
kindnesses clung to necessity and not impulse
but those are gone, run down and tired.
now is only what i have and this is how it is...
waking up early to keep from missing it,
roll awake i shake you up too
not ready, patience for the morning to set.
wide awake and feel you sleep
share the day with love and smiling
and a giving sort of mood
a tender way to show how far i've come,
where i've been,
what i didnt surrender although they asked
what i will never give again, no matter the pressure
because these are things that i can't resign
they are mine
6.9.10
you can push all you want
im already away,
hundreds and hundreds
dont strain
its quiet here, no wondering what if,
no hiked up skirts and misintentions
no more
it will always be a problem
no matter who or where
but its not my problem anymore
neither are you
my heart is hungry again
wants more
wants more than given
wants to give everything and more
but no more
im already away,
hundreds and hundreds
dont strain
its quiet here, no wondering what if,
no hiked up skirts and misintentions
no more
it will always be a problem
no matter who or where
but its not my problem anymore
neither are you
my heart is hungry again
wants more
wants more than given
wants to give everything and more
but no more
5.9.10
too much talk all at the same time.
then vodka gets in the way with a voice all it's own
little girls and their squeals,
women and their bats for lashes
"friends" and their longing
children and their playthings
then there's me over here so far and away
wondering next
wondering the patience for virtue or vice?
waiting for the shoe to fall
waiting for a sign that im not as dumb as i used to be
but i cant see for all the noise
Ill write you later, next week perhaps, and explain
right now i just wish i had been right this time
ill pretend i was
and things will be fine in the din
ill just remember me without you
and smile?
then vodka gets in the way with a voice all it's own
little girls and their squeals,
women and their bats for lashes
"friends" and their longing
children and their playthings
then there's me over here so far and away
wondering next
wondering the patience for virtue or vice?
waiting for the shoe to fall
waiting for a sign that im not as dumb as i used to be
but i cant see for all the noise
Ill write you later, next week perhaps, and explain
right now i just wish i had been right this time
ill pretend i was
and things will be fine in the din
ill just remember me without you
and smile?
a little Saturday
its long and flat and forever,
green and tan then black with stocks that live
and cars that speed through without ever looking.
long talks of tomorrow and yesterday and remember when
advice and care and energy and iced tea.
bathroom breaks, filler up! Sacramento soon...
start thinking about what already happened and wonder and wait
will it heal quick? an after thought of I dream i had last week,
will it drag across my face leaving me raw and fierce:
a fake smile and a quiet hello is all i have?
wavering, from a girl too strong for most and i feel me shake.
waiting, from someone who would have like to have moved on already
but still i stick
still i find the time in my impatience to give it a second look,
give it a second breath
color returns in the night as the sun reminds me of reincarnation
and release
and continuation
green and tan then black with stocks that live
and cars that speed through without ever looking.
long talks of tomorrow and yesterday and remember when
advice and care and energy and iced tea.
bathroom breaks, filler up! Sacramento soon...
start thinking about what already happened and wonder and wait
will it heal quick? an after thought of I dream i had last week,
will it drag across my face leaving me raw and fierce:
a fake smile and a quiet hello is all i have?
wavering, from a girl too strong for most and i feel me shake.
waiting, from someone who would have like to have moved on already
but still i stick
still i find the time in my impatience to give it a second look,
give it a second breath
color returns in the night as the sun reminds me of reincarnation
and release
and continuation
friday kinda
that was tricky so i made it too easy.
my fault,
i like the slick and safe; what I've done before,
rather than some thicket and a dull machete
but sleeping was boring was sleepless and tired
and rolling slow and sure in my wake less thought,
a loop of what i should have done,
circling to show me the casualties with no hope of resuscitation
so its black
and hands in a dream caress my face,
lighter then softer the suns repetition
bringing morning and hope
a breath for the wicked who run
a chance for a coward who's never known
but wants to
my fault,
i like the slick and safe; what I've done before,
rather than some thicket and a dull machete
but sleeping was boring was sleepless and tired
and rolling slow and sure in my wake less thought,
a loop of what i should have done,
circling to show me the casualties with no hope of resuscitation
so its black
and hands in a dream caress my face,
lighter then softer the suns repetition
bringing morning and hope
a breath for the wicked who run
a chance for a coward who's never known
but wants to
2.9.10
a heart on top stone shoes,
cased around a sullen list of loves that dont love anymore
phantom pulse tricks my stride
swerving the truth to you
slick and stuck in a circle of the same
each time
makes me dizzy drowning
missing the point but feeling the prick
licking my lips from yesterday's honey
still sweet a modest memory that strings me along
dragging the floor
drugging my pride
till tonight
cased around a sullen list of loves that dont love anymore
phantom pulse tricks my stride
swerving the truth to you
slick and stuck in a circle of the same
each time
makes me dizzy drowning
missing the point but feeling the prick
licking my lips from yesterday's honey
still sweet a modest memory that strings me along
dragging the floor
drugging my pride
till tonight
1.9.10
september soon, and me again, once not twice in the middle of the week I'll stroll,
through a dense park somewhere,
thick with thieves and ill regard
water licks the side of my forgetfulness,
forgetting what once bit me whole leaving crumbs...
no tears salt the day, (too sour sometimes)
enough flavor to go around
the dizzy spin you've tucked me in
my favorite thing is:
that which has a little finger i'm hula hooping
in my sleep
dreaming a sturdy security i can take with me
when no one's watching
a quiet little piece i'll peel out and show myself that it's real
sometimes,
when youre busy making music between your ears and mine
that you can sing me to sleep
through a dense park somewhere,
thick with thieves and ill regard
water licks the side of my forgetfulness,
forgetting what once bit me whole leaving crumbs...
no tears salt the day, (too sour sometimes)
enough flavor to go around
the dizzy spin you've tucked me in
my favorite thing is:
that which has a little finger i'm hula hooping
in my sleep
dreaming a sturdy security i can take with me
when no one's watching
a quiet little piece i'll peel out and show myself that it's real
sometimes,
when youre busy making music between your ears and mine
that you can sing me to sleep
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