i read it today, twice
one after the other,
like hungry breaths after an escape.
Thirsty still,
i looked over the yawning words,
desperate to be revealed,
a steady light shown on,
gentle words to preen and pick,
a soothing voice to call its name.
a hand strong and soft to sooth the
wild phrases turning every which way.
"renegade" it says.
escaping from what they know to create your own.
people can raise a finger but that will be all.
exception, an idea in their throat they long to purge
and allow to roam away.
that's you.
so i read it again to digress their protest.
simple letters in a row.
black white
spaced/un
the same language in a different tone
the same motion but sideways
the same girl but prismatically unobstructed.

so you're leaving
do you expect a party?
a card?
me to cry and beg?
I am out.
fresh out!
don't ask or give me that look,
or even expect me to summon some type of lament.
some wire mixed insists on progenated indignation,
a type of feline frustration that eagerly ignores.
You know I adore you,
you know that when we are alone
there is a tenacious bridge built between monuments.
that we finish each other's themes,
that there is a tender-energy that takes over in its capacious generosity.
You know all this yet you demand.
you detest here
where i find it fond.
some young shoot that grew,
you so glibly break in the name of self interrogation.
never will it sprout the same,
never will the veins drain to the same breaths and woes,
the same joys and sleeping tender surrender.
all i have is this:
me
in front of you,
my face in your hands,
all worth it,
all done with cause and fierce inclination;
stay.

flooded with satisfaction, quiet calm, tender tension.
succulent surrender,
jaded innocence making me light and forgetful.
I know why you're here, I know why you came.
I see what it is that sings me your name,
at night, in the day when I should swing away;
you call.

strength stretches out when I thought there was none,
when they said it was gone,
when they stepped on my words of reassuring resistance.
out, through the middle, between their points of disarray,
a strange-yawning smiling tantrum shakes me awake!
tremulous and tedious, willing to have it taken,
knowing it will return, like a wave,
only bigger this time as the amorous tide falls for the moon,
crooning praise and longing to its love.
padded and forceful, fundamentally flawed in its irrational repetition,

that is my fate,
that is my functional dysfunction:
to love you.

pumping now,
firing simultaneous surrender.
the lines stray away leaving me dizzy
then the ground leaves me swinging
its fine here, with quick singing sighs flying by
quick to make my eyes whine,
but; on, forward, pursue, caress.
a stray kite tail kisses my regard,
a wayward bird questions my agenda,
a jet grunts its mechanic disagreements.
Still, firm, dancing, slipping into gravity's greed.
my hair disarray, my skin swept, my vision
new

make it quick,
now,
when no one is looking.
between dreams and mobile interactions,
lucrative shadowboxing,
adjacent innuendo;
propped up by fierce dreaming daily
I can taste the breath you leave on my shelf.
Solid and pure of indecency.
Soaking in a lucid daydream
that transcends to tomorrows laundry.
Line dry in the breeze that rubs your fancy
and pretties up your hair.
Across,
the lights dim around all but us.
conveyor belts in different directions,
drawing closer,
mannequins frozen,
until contact
that the eyes already knew.
"my heart's too big!"
"my mouth is just right!"
"take small bites, digest it well,
make it a part of you"
"yes, you do as well"
{kissing foreheads}
warmth within and out.
that was how it was.

That one was strong, decrepid: fierce.
Had me by the throat for a painful while.
Sharp tears cut my motionless pale face.
The darkness covered, but the night knew,
like it always does.
Running town down, away from you,
screaming my injustice, aggravated defence.
I want you gone.
Speeding through it day after week it slows to a crawl;
that memory you left.
Red, black blood stains that place in time.
A spot unremoved,
that pain undenied,
that girl swallowed whole;
only to be reborn on the other side.

ring knock knock knock call ring again
see what it does
see me cut the anchor.
tenuous and small,
that string
that strung me to you.

alone please
after and before
tomorrow and later
just in case
but beside the point
preventing a mistake
by creating a disaster
I will save and salvage
the pieces you thought were you
shiny pretty and new,
put back
away
alone
...